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All posts for the month June, 2012

Thursday Log

Published June 28, 2012 by Becca

Holy long day batman!

I was up at 7:30 this morning (after going to bed at like 2:30 last night) because I had to be in Manhattan at 9 for a job interview. I’m not earning enough at my current job, so I’m just seeing what’s out there right now. In the culinary world, a job interview is called a “trail” and it involves you cooking for a few hours so they can see how you work and you can see if you like the kitchen. I really liked the pastry chef but I’m not a fan of the menu or the kitchen. I think I’ll pass, even though it’ll be more money.

But anyways, I did that from 9-2. I had 2 pieces of toast with light butter and jam (5 points) with some chocolate milk (4 points). I guess I could save a point if I switched to 1% but I like 2% and dairy fat is actually good for you. (I swear I’ll get those sources!)

The job interview and my current job were only 1 subway stop apart, and if I didn’t have so much to do at work, I would have walked. I was STARVING and needed food in me. I was dumb and forgot my Fiber One bar at home, so I hit up Citarella (little high end grocery store) and found some sushi. It called out to me. I got the spicy California roll which was perfect. I scraped off a lot of the mayo (not that there was a lot to begin with), because I didn’t need much for it to be spicy and creamy. I’d say they’re a smaller roll than Whole Foods. I’m usually full eating the WF 9pc roll. This one was perfectly filling. I also picked up a stone fruit assortment (1 white peach, 1 black plum, and 1 pluot).

That helped me skip family/staff dinner which was a mishmash fried rice. Thing. I dunno. It looked like eggs with rice instead of the other way around.

Today was SUPER stressful at work for me. We have a wedding tomorrow to prep for and I got like ZERO notice on all the stuff I needed to make. Thanks guys. So doing that, and getting stuff ready for regular dinner service was painful.

I did a better job of not stress eating today though! “I have so much to do” stress doesn’t get to me as much as “my coworker is a louse” stress. I barely had time to eat after the sushi honestly.

I did take a minute around 8 to heat up those left overs from Tuesday. I popped it in the oven and blech it didn’t reheat well. The chicken cooked too much and the pasta dried out. I ended up only eating a few bites of chicken and the rest of the broccoli. Which at least was still tasty. (3-4 Points?)

I kept my bread down to 1 piece (2?)! And only 1 French fry! Success.

I had the black plum as I was leaving work (at 1am!!). Omg delicious!!! Perfect sweetness and juiciness. I may get more. I was still hungry so I found a Fiber One bar at the mini-mart. Not as good as my flavor, but still tasty.

I have work again in the morning and still so much to do. I hope I can find the energy to go full steam ahead like I did today. And I need to bust out a 30 min run (3 miles, but I’m gonna go for time right now). And go to my WW meeting! I don’t wanna miss a week! Friday night isn’t my favorite leader, but she’s ok.

I doubt I’ll eat dinner tomorrow, but if I need something, I have everything for a BLT (if my tomato is still good…). Mmm BLT. Omg.

Ok. I rambled enough.

Wednesday Log and Weigh In

Published June 28, 2012 by Becca

Yesterday was an ok eating day.

I started the day with a “big” breakfast. 2 eggs scrambled with 2 TBS of cheddar. A slice of toast with some light butter and jam. And an 8oz glass of chocolate milk (11 points). It was adequately satisfying. But, in my opinion, not a lot of food for 11 points.

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I brought food to work to help with not eating junk. I brought 2 plums, a Fiber One bar, a Chobani yogurt, and my left over dinner.

I ended up eating the bar fairly early on. And then a plum. I ended up eating some of the family dinner cause it was fried chicken and mmm. I had 3 little wings and 1 drumstick. (8 points)

I saved my leftover dinner for today.

I dug into my yogurt towards the end of the night. I got a passion fruit flavor to try because I LOVE passion fruit and I really love it creamy. I wanted to love it, but they left the seeds in and that just grosses me out. So I only ate half and probably won’t eat the other half. Sad face. But on the plus side I’ll try Chobani again. I hadnt liked Greek yogurt when I’ve tried it, but this wasn’t too bad yogurt wise.

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I shoved a few dinner rolls in me last night too though (5 points). I don’t always have time to have a proper snack (like yogurt) so popping bread or stray French fries in my mouth is just SO easy. But something I really need to work on. I need to find a satisfying snack that’s easy to eat like that. I’ve tried carrot sticks, but not satisfying. I’m usually craving something salty and that ain’t it. I’ll find something.

I was also extremely stressed out. I had a lot to make for my dinner service that night and it was annoying my coworker didn’t give me a heads up. Some of that bread was stress bread. Even the fiber one bar was. I didn’t calm down until like 9pm! When I was finally caught up! Ugh.

When I got home, I ended up having one of my Magnum minis. I had just 4 points left. Use’m or lose’m. Those are a perfect size. And it’s my favorite ice cream bar ever so it’s entirely satisfying. 4 points will have more weight once I get smaller, but it fits perfectly in my food budget right now.

One thing I haven’t mentioned- when I’m drinking water usually, I mostly just drink tap, but I often splash a little cranberry juice in it, just for some flavor. I haven’t been counting points for it because it’s usually just a tablespoon or 2 at a time, but I’ve noticed if I drink a lot of water in a day, I probably have 4-6 oz of juice which is definitely 2-3 points I think. Well if anything, it’s deducted from my weekly allowance. Which I never use all of. And sometimes barely any.

Yesterday was weigh in day. I can’t get to a meeting until Friday, so I used my home scale and it was just a .6 loss. And I definitely ate more this week, though completely within my points. I actually used a fair amount of my weekly allowance. Almost half! But .6 is still a loss. And maybe it’ll show more on the WW scale Friday? And it’s nice to know I can indulge in a milkshake and still lose weight.

Winning with Weight Watchers.

Cross training Motivation

Published June 27, 2012 by Becca

So far I’ve had zero motivation to do some cross training. It was a minor miracle I did that yoga the other day, but my back hurt so much, I just had to.

I can’t seem to find the same determination for cross training that I have for running. I don’t know why. I think having a half marathon goal helps since I have something tangible I’m working towards. And I don’t feel like I have that with cross training (though I do have that goal for 15 pushups in a row…).

And I know cross training would improve my running. My core is weak, to say the least. (Hello back pain?) And I’ll maybe reach my fitness and weight loss goals faster. And it’ll help me look good. I want to be toned and thin. Not flabby and thin.

Ugh!! What is this?? Why is it so hard to just pop in a DVD and do some crunches?? I don’t have any sports equipment and no budget for it (my electricity is about to be turned off as it is if I don’t pay it. But I have to pay rent too. Hard decision), so workout DVDs I already have or what’s on OnDemand is all I have right now. I even hooked up my old play station to play the P90x but I bailed cause I was hungry.

*Sigh*

I didn’t do it yesterday cause I didn’t feel like it. And I was going to since I cut my run short.

But this weekend I will. Friday I’m going to my WW meeting and running for sure. So Saturday is the best day to do it after work. Immediately after work. No nap. Ill make sure to eat before I head for home so I’m not too hungry. I’ll get home and change and do the back, arms, and chest DVD. All upper body cause my long run is Sunday so I want my legs to be somewhat rested. Hear me internets?? Barring any exigent circumstances, I’m committing to that P90x workout.

And done.

Tuesday Log

Published June 26, 2012 by Becca

Sometimes my days off go too quickly. This week, they did. And now I have 5 days in a row of work hell. Blah.

Today was a little better eating wise. I started off with some raisin bran for breakfast (8 points) and then went for a run. I had 3 on the books, but only ran 2 miles and walked another half home.  It was totally mental. (8 activity points)  I did choose a hilly path for the last mile which psyched me out.  On the other hand, it would be nice to have some sort of differential between long runs and regular runs, so I may just keep my “weekday” runs to 30 mins or so for the next week or 2, just until I start doing hour+ long runs.

I ate the other half of my cantaloupe for a post run snack.  Mmmm.  I’m not sure why I didn’t buy more today at the store.  Kinda kicking myself right now.

But I did get some ingredients for a yummy dinner.  I stocked up on pasta cause it turned out I was basically out- they were only $1 a box!  Love that.  So tonight I made some bowtie pasta with broccoli, onion, garlic, tomato, and chicken in a yummy cream sauce.  (Restaurant secret- use the pasta water to bulk up your sauces.  The starch in the water helps from watering it down too much).  I used some light cream and 2%milk, added some parmesan cheese and an Italian cheese blend.  OMG it was sooooo delicious!!  I made a bunch so I could eat more tomorrow, so I kinda guessed on the portion sizes of the sauce.  It came to 21 points with my guessing, but I don’t think I had that much sauce.  But I went overboard with the pasta.  I over compensated cause last time it was so little.  I was also really hungry.  I’ll go easier on the pasta tomorrow.

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OMG amazing chicken, broccoli, pasta. (21 points?)

I was really, really craving something sweet today. I wanted brownies but was resisting getting a box. I was looking for the Fiber One brownies to try, but couldn’t find them. I did find some of their chewy granola bars and ended up getting Chocolate Caramel Pretzel. Oh my stars it was delicious!!! And for only 2 points! I’m going to have to find some coupons and sales and stock up on these. I just have to be really good with only having 1. Even when stuff is individually packaged, I have a hard time stopping at 1. I’m gonna try the trick of putting it somewhere inconvenient.

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Super delicious Fiber 1 bar (2 points)

I’m also really excited because Magnum, my most favorite ice cream bar EVER, just started making minis, and I did see those at the store so I picked up a box.  They’re only 4 points each so that’ll be a really nice dessert to have around.  I may have one tonight since I still have 7 points left today.  Mmmm

I will leave you with this nice picture of me and my kitty cat (since I didn’t take a running pic).

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Me and my fluffy bunny, Abby

Monday Log

Published June 25, 2012 by Becca

Today was not a great eating day. :-/ And I don’t mean in the overeating way.

I started the day with some “yoga.” It was lots of back stretching and a couple yoga poses. OMG you guys- it really did help my back! I found it on OnDemand. It was perfect. I’ll keep using that to help stretch my back. And it was only like 20 minutes. I gave myself an activity point for it, just cause it was something I needed to do. Though- downward dog is no joke. That’s a really hard pose!  My whole body is so tight- I kinda want to get into yoga now and work on my flexibility (though it’ll be easier once my big belly doesn’t get so in the way!).

I was going to take a walk, but the weather was insane today. A huge storm woke me up at 8:30 for a bit, and when I got up later it was sunny. When I went to walk at 2, it was raining again. So I ate a plum and did laundry. The rain kept coming back, so the walk never happened. Eh. It happens. I don’t really love walking anyways. Lol. Maybe.

I got hungry since I only had a plum and made myself 3 eggs with cheese and salsa. The salsa was a fail. I didn’t eat everything. (6 points)

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Salsa fail

Today was an aimless day. I had all good intentions to go to the grocery store to get some produce for the next few days. But I was feeling really cranky, low, and lonely and just wanted cake so I avoided the store and eating until I could figure out something. I didn’t really have anything in the house so I just made some pasta and red sauce. Which wasn’t so filling since I was trying to be care of portion control. (5 points)

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Puney pasta

 

I finished the night with a bowl of raisin bran.  (9 points)

*Sigh*

Here’s to making tomorrow a better day.  I have a workout with a friend planned and a run on the books- 3 miles.

Weekend Log

Published June 24, 2012 by Becca

I’m a little light on pictures for this weekend. I don’t always remember to take pictures, especially at work.

But I was successful with my tracking this week! 7 days! And I’ll keep going. It really makes me stop and think about HOW MUCH I’m eating. I’m measuring food and it’s really helping me from eating until being stuffed.

Saturday I treated myself to an Everything Bagel with some cream cheese before work. I had the girl go easy on the cream cheese so it was only about 2 TBS and I only ate the top half. Though it was more like the top 2/3 they way they cut it. (9 points)

I ended up eating “breakfast” which I treated as lunch at work. One of the chefs made a quiche for us and I gave myself a small piece at first, but it was so amazing I had the other half of that piece. OMG. So good. (A total guess of 11 points)

I also splurged on some Sprite. I was hot and sleepy and watching everyone else drinking soda and I caved. And it was delicious. Oh well. (8 points)

And to finish the day, which I planned for by deciding to use some of my weekly stash- I had a cookies and cream milkshake. And it was exactly what I had been wanting for a few days now. (Well, they put a tad too much milk in it for me- I like it thicker…) It was perfect. And worth it. All 25 points of it.

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Mmmmmmm (25 mother fucking points!!!!)

I had a dinner planned, but I ended up going to bed early to work a double today.

I woke up early to run and it was so beautiful.  A little warm in the sun, but otherwise perfect.  I had a peach before my run to help fuel.  My run consisted of 2 cycles of 6min Run/1min Walk/4min Run/1min Walk/6min Run with a warm up and cool down for 3(+) miles. (6 activity points) I had some thirst quenching chocolate milk post-run. (5 points)

Today’s work breakfast was eggs, home fried potatoes, and bacon.  I had a scoop of eggs I estimated to be about 2 eggs.  3 pieces of potato and 1 strip of bacon.

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Eggs, potatoes, bacon (7 points)

I kept eating though. I had skipped it yesterday, but the cheddar chive scone my coworker had made was calling to me. And it was incredibly good. I was going to call it my lunch, but I was hungry again at 3 and I had like 2/3 of a burnt grilled cheese sandwich we have. The best grilled cheese ever. With ham and tomatoes and on super crusty yummy bread. LOVE this sandwich. (6 points)

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Mmmm cheddar chive scone!! (7 points)

I brought in half my cantaloupe because I was prepared for needing to snacks since I was working a double- and I even brought a chicken breast in case dinner sucked! I ate a bunch of melon after the toastie, and right before dinner was served- which did not suck.

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1/2 cantaloupe (0!!)

Dinner was a mishmosh of BLTs and French toast. I’ve never had a BLT before because I didn’t really like raw tomato on sandwiches, so I just took half and then half a piece of french toast and some salad. Well oh my stars BLTS are amazing!!!! And the tomato really makes it!!! I’m an official BLT convert. I lost out on the other half of the sandwich 😦 And I was full anyways. I may need to have another BLT one day soon. I’ll see how I can make it WW friendly (preferably without it being turkey bacon). (12 points)

I’ll finish off with a pic from today’s run- I ran the 1st half through the park to help avoid the sun (I ran back along the water and I was dying in the sun, and it was only 8am!)

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(Un)Healthy History

Published June 23, 2012 by Becca

I know I shouldn’t be weighing myself more than once a week. A momentary water weight gain doesn’t need to effect my mood at any point. Though I havent really had one yet. My home scale either shows no loss or loss. So far. But I love stepping on the scale now seeing even just a lower number than I’ve seen in a year. And seeing a steady loss week after week is very motivating. I weighed myself this morning and already it showed a .8 loss from Wednesday. I just thought yes, I’ll happily eat more fruits and veggies to keep seeing the weight come off.

And that’s such a stark contrast to the last time I lost a major amount of weight.

When I was 14 and a freshman in high school, I weighed 211 pounds. At 5’6. I was grossly overweight. 20 pounds of puberty chub had climbed to 60 in a little over a year. No bueno.

And one day in the fall, after a friend has suggested I lose some weight, a switch went off in my brain and I became anorexic.

It really was like that. I wasn’t one day, and was the next.

The first few months of it were extreme. I would routinely go days without eating. And if I did, it was usually under 1,000 calories. And almost always it was junk. The weight fell off of me. I think I lost 40 pounds in 3 months? And the next 20 in another 2-3 months. I only ever got down into the 150s. After that, starving myself got harder. I lost energy and momentum. I missed food. I got tired of fighting with my friends at lunch to eat. So then I threw bulemia into the mix. I could eat and keep the weight off! Brilliant! (Bulemia is rarely good for *losing* weight.)

My eating disorder led to self-injury and depression/bi-polar episodes. I spent my sophomore year in and out of therapists’ offices and mental hospitals and half way houses. My eating disorder came and went depending how in control of my life I felt. It always spiked in hospitals and especially the half way house. (I say half way house cause I’m not entirely sure what to call it- it was a therapeutic group home for kids. Otherwise known as hell.)

The following summer after I got out of the home (it was only making me sicker), my parents and I ignored all the problems while we searched for a boarding school for me to go to (I was notorious for refusing to go to school). The alternative was to live with my father. No thanks. My mom and step dad wanted to send me where my older cousin was. He went to help manage his severe ADD and was doing really well. On the day we were supposed to go up and interview, I threw a major fit.

I decided i wanted to go where a girl I had become friends with from the hospital was going.

I also call that place hell.

My eating disorder took a back seat as I adjusted to a new living situation. Fall semester was very rough for me and everyday was a struggle it seemed. If anything I turned to food for some relief. Even with an active lifestyle and having scheduled meals, I managed to gain some weight up to the high 160s. My clothes weren’t fitting great and it bummed me out.

My school started a Weight Watchers group for kids and teachers so I had joined. I was familiar with it from when I was a kid trying to lose weight. *sigh* That’s such a sad statement.

But once again that switch went off. I don’t know what it was this time, but my goal once again became to eat as little as possible and WW made it all too easy for me to keep track of that. And this time around I threw exercise into the mix.

I was doing lacrosse and running on top of it. I’d work out 6-7 days a week and sometimes on no food for days. And again I would purge if I felt like I ate too much. Which it usually wasn’t. I lost about 20 pounds and got to 145. I loved my body though. I was the thinnest I’d ever been and I was incredibly fit. But that was probably the sickest I’d ever be.

My eating disorder took a back seat again over the summer and during my senior year. I kept running and gained back 5 pounds, but I was relatively ok.

My eating disorder hasn’t really shown itself since high school. There were a few tough moments here and there in college, but for the most part I’ve been good.

And steadily gaining weight. I stopped exercising. I didn’t eat healthy at all. It was the freshman 15. The sophomore 15. Junior 15 and senior 15. There was the new relationship 20. And the break up 10. All the way from a great 150 to a horrendous 248. (They say it’s not uncommon for anorexics/bulemics to swing the other way into over eating. Especially if they never learn to not use food as a coping mechanism.)

I always tried to lose weight. And I succeeded many times. I joined the gym (with no income- that should be illegal for them to do!) and worked out a ton for 2 months and lost like 15 pounds. It was awesome. Then it was summer and I lost interest. And I don’t think I ever went to the gym again for my 3 year membership.

At the end of each semester I would tend to gain 10 pounds. And I would always lose it because I had a cut off number. 190. I was able to maintain 180 for over a year. 180 wasn’t great but I still looked cute. Then one semester I jumped to 205! (That can be accredited to my discovering kosher Coke make with sugar not high fructose corn syrup.) And that time I stopped trying to lose it. And I kept climbing. I was 217 when I met my ex. And then went up to 230. 243. I dropped to 228 last year because of an extremely grueling job that was 10 hours of non-stop work and going up and down stairs at least 20 times a day and no time to eat. I was a stair climbing machine. Something I want to get back. But when I left work to get hand surgery, I was a lazy bum and gained it all back.

And there are so many other times that are just too much to list. But nothin ever stuck.

Until now?

I’ve been doing my running since November. I’ve missed time here and there but I keep coming back and I claim that to be a huge success on its own. And finally with some stability in my life, I’ve been consistent with it for 2 months and am really seeing progress!

Weight Watchers is really resonating a chord with me this time around and it’s not a chore to be altering my lifestyle like I am. It’s not always easy to do what’s right, but for the most part every day I set out wanting to make conscious and healthy choices. Everything I eat I think about before putting in my mouth. From cheeseburgers to veggies. And this milkshake I’m sucking down.

I’m not entirely sure why now is so different. I think I’ve been leading up to this for awhile. With running since November and I’ve been trying to eat more balanced meals for the past year or so. My palate has really expanded a lot in the past 2 years and I’m enjoying so many more vegetables and food than ever before. (like asparagus, Brussel sprouts, quinoa!) Food is so much more exciting when you’re not so limited (ahem, Marissa). And as a cook, I love learning new ways to prepare a food and incorporate them into a dish.

At first I was a little concerned tracking my food could trigger my eating disorder, especially considering the really dark and out of control place I was in when I started, but it hasn’t been a problem. I don’t always eat all my points, but it’s never on purpose.

And I do feel in control, but in a much more positive and healthy way. It’s a nice feeling, to say the least.

Sorry that was so long. I guess I ramble and I have this insane memory so sometimes it’s hard for me to leave out details. But like I said in the beginning, I plan on getting to the root of my issues so I keep the wait off. And figuring out why this is working wouldn’t hurt.