All posts tagged relationships

Life Update

Published October 16, 2012 by Becca

Oy. So much going on. I’m not sure if I can even cover it all in 1 post. I’ve been very blue this past week or so. My best friend and I had a fight and aren’t speaking anymore since Labor Day. Don’t know if that will ever get patched up. So that’s brings me down to 0 close friends. And I’ve given up on my ex and getting together, so now I really have absolutely no one to talk to. Starting to get kinda lonely. But also getting used to it. No bueno. I joined that running class, so in 10 weeks, it’d be nice if a friend emerged from that. We shall see. I’m keeping an eye out for socializing opportunities, but friendships don’t happen over night, and I’m gun shy, so it’s gonna be even harder for me. Maybe some people just aren’t meant to have friends? But then again I suppose if I were less gun shy, I’d have more friends? It’s too hard. I dunno. I need a new Marissa. But there are only so many Marissas in the world (metaphorically speaking).

And then of course there’s dating.

One day. If I ever have time. Stupid night time job.

Stupid job. I don’t feel like hashing out the awful back story again, but needless to say, I’m starting to wonder if I can find myself a nice 9-5 desk job. Or something. Preferably 9-5. And hopefully it pays more than I currently make (which is very little, so it’s a very low bar to be fair). Maybe. We shall see.

Part of me is very inspired right now with this whole losing weight and getting healthy and I’m wishing I could do something with that now. I’ve been thinking an apparel store for plus-sized women (people?). It’d be great, as a plus-sized person, to be able to find all the bigger sizes in one spot. It’s frustrating never being able to just grab something because one brand’s XL may be just fine for me and another may not even be close. So in my shop, I wouldn’t even carry a certain brand if I found most plus sized girls couldn’t fit into it. And how great would it be for there to be a judgement free place where bigger girls can feel good about being active and fit and healthy?

And not that I’m a designer, but if I could find someone, it’d be great to have a specific athletic line just for plus sized women. Something that really considers making room for junk in the trunk! Lol. And for me, I haven’t found a long sleeved tech shirt I like cause I have chunky arms. I even found a XXL tech shirt at Target and I just couldn’t handle having the arms so damn tight on me. You would never see a built in bra in my tanks either. I’m only a C cup, so I can actually get away with them sometimes (though I haven’t run in one yet), but I think most girls would prefer to choose their support (I know I do), without worrying about the bulk with a shelf bra.

Oh and price point would be well below Lulumon. Personally, I’d like to see it around Target prices (if that’s even possible based on the material). I’m not a fan of paying more than $20-30 for a top, $40 for a sweatshirt, and $30-40 for bottoms.

In other news, I’m down just about 25 pounds now. Isn’t that awesome?! 25 pounds is no small number. And it’s been a slow crawl. I updated the Weigh-in Page. I kinda lost steam over the summer, though I didn’t gain the weight back. I made decent enough choices to be able to maintain basically. Which felt like a success in it’s own right. Losing 100 pounds is hard work, and it’s going to take a decent amount of time, so I like knowing that if I want to take a time out for whatever reason, I can do so without back sliding. That’s so important to me- as much as losing the weight. Not gaining it back. Ever. Well, except pregnancy. And I’d like to have the right tools and mindset to take off baby weight too.

This week has been a little rough. Being blue has kinda zapped my appetite so I haven’t been eating a whole lot the past few days, and then when I am hungry, I’m too lazy to eat properly, so I just eat something weird. Like a whole package of imitation crab with cocktail sauce. Or a bag of popcorn. For dinner. Fruit? Veggies? Not much. Protein? Not much. *Sigh*

Last week I ate randomly as well, but more, and stayed completely within points, and gained 2.2 pounds. THAT was frustrating. I’m hoping it was due to running the half marathon and storing water, or even gaining some muscle. According to my scale, I’m already back down to where I was the week before, and still 4 more days until the weigh in, so hopefully I can lose another pound. Especially since I’m eating so lightly.

I’m working on participating in the WW 8 week challenge. I really don’t want to set a weight goal, because as you can see, even with tracking and staying with in my points, I still gained 2.2 pounds! That’s nuts. So I don’t want to be disappointed by not meeting a time goal. My concrete goal is to track every day for the 8 weeks. I’m 2 1/2 weeks in and haven’t missed a day! Love it. Feel very happy with keeping up with that habit. It will be what gets me to my goal weight in the end (even if some weeks don’t always show success.)

Ok, well I’m up too late and need to get to bed cause I have therapy and work tomorrow.

More updates when something new happens! Haha.


Tacos, Margaritas, and Midnight Runs

Published July 3, 2012 by Becca

I had lunch with my ex yesterday at a Cali-style taco joint we had been wanting to try since before we broke up. The taco joint delivered. I had an amazing mango margarita (for nerves), a classic fried cod taco, and a delicious veggie taco. I almost like the veggie one more, but that’s slightly because the sauce on the fish taco was a touch to spicy for me. I’m already wanting to go back. I totally missed the Baja Street Corn! Grilled corn with chili, cotija, and lime- mmmmmmmmmm.

The lunch went… Ok. It was awkward. We haven’t seen each other since March (though we’ve usually been texting), and things have been tense and heated. We kept it fairly light just talking about work and things like that. It got bumpy at the end when we were talking about if we want to do this again. I told him I’m still very much in love with him and I want to try again if he does. It’s a tough decision. We both hurt each other a lot. And I don’t know if we can work, but I’m willing to try again for a bit. He’s still trying to decide. We shall see.

Having a nice lunch set me up to not snack as much at work. I had a couple pieces of weird fried chicken, a couple dinner rolls, some iced tea. Not too bad really.

I got home before midnight last night so I figured that was a sign I should go running. I went on the path by the water which even at midnight was still well populated. There were people running, biking, walking, sitting on the benches. I love NYC.

I pushed myself much harder last night. I’ve been watching these guys on the Biggest Loser basically killing themselves and I thought it was dumb I wasn’t working harder. And it’s funny, as much as I kicked it up a notch, I’m still not sure I killed myself. Which is ok I guess. Nice to know my fitness is improving and I still have more in me.

I ended up doing intervals- I went to the 1st day of the 2nd week of C25k and ran fast the run segments (about 10:15/min mile) and jogged the walk segments (about 13:30 min mile). And I did it twice. For a total of 3.75 miles that includes the warm up and cool down walk (I need to figure out the distance from my apartment to the running path. Its probably about .2 miles one way).

I’m planning on killing it on the treadmill runs this week since running on a treadmill is easier.

And ending my post with some pics from last night:



Half Mary Training

Published June 22, 2012 by Becca

So I’ve decided on this half marathon training plan. It kind of caters to busy people so it’s only 3 days a week of running which is perfect for me with my weird work schedule. I think that if I can run a 4th day, I’ll do speed work. I’m pretty sure there’s a track in my neighborhood.  This plan is great- they made a handy Excel document where I just put in the date of the race and it calculates each week of training.  And I can just easily move each day based on my work schedule.  My long runs will have to be on my days off, not weekends, for instance.  And according to the schedule, I started this week!  Apparently I can’t count weeks on calenders myself because I thought it would start next week, haha. It’s ok.  I did one run, I’ll do a long run tomorrow (it’ll be cooler!), and another run this weekend.

I’m not too concerned with my weight loss efforts during this.  The weekly runs are no more than 5 miles, and that’s towards the end, and that really doesn’t require a lot of extra fueling.  On my long run days once I’m over 5 miles, I may eat a little bit extra the night before/day of to help keep my energy up.  Probably no more than the activity points that I’ll burn on that run.  It’ll be some trial and error as my mileage increases.

Speaking of weight loss- I weighed in this week at 231!  Down 2.4 pounds!  I’d like to credit that to doubling up on my runs.  And resuming tracking. (4 days in a row!)  I’m so stoked.  I think by race day, I could be sub-200. OMG.  Sub-200.  That felt so far away 17.6 pounds ago.  It’s amazing what 17 measly pounds can do!

I can’t believe how good and easy this has been feeling.  I think it’s because I’ve always known what it is I should do.  I just didn’t care enough.  And now I care.  I hate to say it, but I really think being single is what pushed me to do this.  Not just because I’m back dating and I want to have my pick of guys, instead of just being able to choose from guys who are attracted to big girls.  But also because I’m enjoying doing something nice for myself.  I’m running- which I LOVE.  I’m trying to eat good, healthy food.  The kind I enjoy.  I’m just cooking for myself so I can afford scallops.  I can afford to make exactly what I want to eat.

My ex was NOT the pinacle of health.  He smoke a pack and a half a day, ate fast food most days, and zero exercise.  He was supportive of me whenever I would try to get healthy, but he wasn’t interested in living a healthy lifestyle with me, and it would just never work.  It felt like I was swimming upstream.  No wonder nothing every stuck when I was with him.  The next guy I commit to has to be interested in being healthy. He doesn’t have to run marathons.  Or even run.  But he has to want to be physically active.  He has to want to eat vegetables voluntarily.  And I’m not negotiating on the smoking thing again.  That is a deal-breaker.  I cannot live with another smoker ever again.  It was torture, honestly.

But anyways… I’m really excited about how this is going and taking on half marathon training.  I feel really devoted and committed to this like no other time before.

This week at Weight Watchers was “Eat What You Love.”  I LOVE this philosophy.  I live by it.  I always have.  It was what I said to myself when I started Weight Watchers. Because it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle.  There are compromises I won’t make.  Based on what I like, and what I know as a chef.  I will NEVER drink skim milk.  Ever.  Ever. Ever.  I had that forced on me as a kid and always hated it.  And based on various reading’s I’ve done (Michael Pollan for example), dairy fat is GOOD for you.  So good for you.  And fat-free dairy is somewhat unnatural (I’ll find quotes to back this up another day).  It’s also gross.  I got fat-free sour cream the other day to “be good” and was shocked at how disgusting it was.  Never again.  On the other hand, I find fat free yogurt to be quite tasty, so I do eat that- because it’s not a compromise!

Tomorrow is long run day since I ended up being off from work, and the temperature is going back down a little to 80.  I may also pop in to another WW meeting to see my favorite leader.  I liked today’s leader too though.  I want to sample them all, haha.